Frequently asked questions - by parents

I just found out my son has been meeting with a priest for some time and is well along in his decision to enter the seminary. Why didn’t he talk with me?
  • Try not to be offended or hurt that your son did not confide in you until now. When men are thinking about whether they have a calling to the priesthood, they often wish to keep things confidential from the people closest to them until they are ready to talk about it. Rest assured your son does need and want his parents’ support and encouragement – probably more than anybody’s.

We are not a very religious family and I’m just shocked that my son has expressed a desire to be a priest. Where did this come from?
  • Family traditions and expectations influence children in a variety of ways. The beliefs they develop from their parents come to them sometimes in explicit lessons, sometimes in more subtle ways. Your beliefs and actions may have had an impact on your son far beyond what you expected or intended.

What if I feel that my son is not worthy of this calling?
  • This is a concern commonly expressed by men who are thinking about the priesthood. It is not necessary, and not possible to lead a sin-free life. The priesthood requires certain skills and abilities but it’s not for the perfect. It’s for the person who desires to serve God and his people.
  • Priests are real people who at times struggle with their faith, commitments and abilities. The process of being in the seminary will help your son work with his gifts and weaknesses, and will help him to discern whether it is indeed the right path for him. The best thing you can do is encourage your child to be faithful to God’s call whatever that may be.

What if my son enters the seminary and it’s a mistake?
  • It is possible that your son could spend a short time or even a few years in seminary, and then decide it’s not for him. God’s will is that your child be happy, fulfilled and living a life that makes the most of his talents. There is nothing shameful about trying it out and then realizing it is not for him. The time spent is not wasted because your son will have grown to know himself, including his goals, values, strengths and potential better than he did before. He will also have had the opportunity to grow in his spiritual life and love for Christ.

I’m worried that my son will be lonely living a celibate lifestyle.
  • Every human being has some lonely moments, whether he or she is married, single, a priest or religious brother or sister. Priests acknowledge their need for companionship and activity by enjoying friends, family and recreational pursuits. A celibate life can be a fulfilling life.

I feel like I’m losing my son.
  • If you have been accustomed to having your son close to you, you may feel his absence when he enters the seminary. This is similar to any parent whose child leaves home to go to a university. There is often a transition period during which the parent feels a sense of loss. Your son will be encouraged to maintain and develop family relationships while in the seminary and after his priestly ordination.

Will I be able to see him while he’s in the seminary?
  • Yes, you will be able to visit your son. Seminary life is much less restrictive today than it was a generation ago. Seminarians today have free weekends where they are able to return home and are encouraged to maintain relationships with family and friends.

How can I best support my son as he is making his decision?
  • Prayer will help. Listen without judging or criticizing and reassure your son that whether or not he decides the priesthood is for him, you will love and accept him. Don’t start treating your son differently. Be honest with him about your worries and concerns about a vocation. Ask your son whether he wants to keep his decision-making confidential from others for the time being and reassure him that you will honor his wishes.

I’m sad because this means I’ll never be a grandparent.
  • This is a common response from parents but in fact there are no guarantees you would be one even if your son had not entered the priesthood. In time God will bless you, in ways you may not understand now, through your son’s happiness.
From the Diocese of Hamilton, Ontario

Important information for parents

The important role parents play in vocations
  • Our Catholic experience teaches us that parents play a crucial role in helping children to discern a vocation. However, parents are often unaware or uncertain about their influence in helping their children make any type of life commitment. Here are some ideas parents may find helpful when talking to their children about vocations.

Vocation ideas for parents

How can adults encourage church vocations? Some parents talk directly about vocations. Others simply try to help youth to learn Christian values. Both kinds of encouragement are helpful! Here are some ideas for use in your family. Don’t feel that you have to follow all these suggestions. Choose those you can integrate easily into your family life:
  • Tell stories about “falling in love.” Let the children see the care you have for each other.
  • Share freely your vocation as parents; what you value, how you came to that decision, how you feel about religious vocations.
  • Make prayer a normal part of family decision-making. Pray with and for members of the family, parish, and community. Give children opportunities to lead prayer and to pray in their own words.
  • Take part in parish activities as a family. Give children a sense of joy that comes from serving.
  • Teach your children to share their time, talent and treasure. Help them to share with those who have less.
  • Talk positively and enthusiastically about the activities of priests and religious. Speak with respect in regards to priests and religious, especially where differences of opinion arise. Be careful of the way criticism of the church is handled.
  • Watch the way your children exhibit their own style. Help them develop their particular gifts. Compliment them on their gifts.
  • Talk openly about items in the news that speak of a commitment to values, service or the church's stances on issues.
  • Make time for the teenagers in your life; your children and their friends, nieces and nephews (baby-sitters, those who deliver papers, mow lawns, etc.).
  • Let the priests and religious in your parish know they are welcome in your home. Invite them to visit with you and your children.
  • Include a prayer for vocations as part of your meal prayer. Institute some special observance as a family for vocations. Choose a particular day to fast, pray the rosary, or pray together in some other suitable way.
  • Tell your children the stories of the saints and founders of orders. Talk with them, in an age-appropriate way, about what priests and religious do today.
  • Keep an eye open for television shows, movies, and videos that present gospel-centered role models. Watch them with your children. Express your admiration for the characters and engage the children in a conversation about their values and choices.
  • Do some research to discover the orders of men and women religious active in your diocese. Who are they? Where are they? What ministries are they involved in? What houses of formation are located in your area? Pray for their life and ministry, or perhaps call a group you would like to know better and visit as a family. You may be able to be of help to them.
  • Talk to your children’s friends about the life choices they are considering. They may notice your interest and support and be more prepared to talk to you than to their parents.
  • If you know of any young people who would be a good priest or religious, ask them if they have ever considered such a vocation. Tell them what gifts you see in them and why you think they would be effective ministers for God’s people.
  • Explore the feelings you might experience should one of your children choose to give his or her life to church ministry.
  • Dream with them about what the church of the future can be.
  • Speak of your life as a vocation - a calling from God.
From “A Future Full of Hope: Families”

Additional resources